Finding love in the modern world isn’t easy. Many of us have lost the gumption to ask a stranger out in public, meaning the opportunity for romance relies on a plethora of apps that lead us to disappointing dates, unsuitable matches, or worse – profound boredom. Of the 4.4 million adults in the UK using online dating services such as Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, about a quarter are paying for the premium editions in an attempt to make the hunt for love effective and enjoyable. These can cost up to £70 a month. As you might expect, rich people have a markedly pricier and more successful version of this: welcome to the world of millionaire matchmakers.
Dakota Johnson is one such professional cupid in Materialists, the naturalistic new romcom from Past Lives director Celine Song, released in UK cinemas this week. Her character Lucy’s slew of high-net-worth New York clients bombard her with demands for a match with the perfect height, weight, age – even salary. Essentially, it all comes down to numbers. Song was inspired to make the film by her own six-month experience working as a matchmaker. “I learnt more about people and what’s in their hearts than I did in any other period of my life,” she has said – and the search for “the one” has become even more unusual since Song had the job in the late 2010s.
Inga Verbeeck, 45, is one of the leading matchmaking specialists in the world. The Belgian businesswoman studied finance and worked in the steel industry before opening her elite matchmaking service, Ivy Relations, in 2015. Her client base includes everyone from tech bros and entrepreneurs to biochemists, bankers, politicians and celebrities. Her fee? Upwards of £100,000. Verbeeck doesn’t work with strict deadlines but says that, on average, it takes her between a year and 18 months to match her carefully selected singletons with the person they’re looking for. “If you’re lucky, it can be three months, and the longest I’ve worked with a client is seven years,” she says. “But that was very much an exception.” If Verbeeck never manages to find a match, none of the money is returned. She guarantees introductions – not success.
Those looking to enlist Verbeeck’s services go through an application process that consists of a handful of phone calls and a few days spent alongside Verbeeck and her team. “I try to get a glimpse into their actual life,” she says. “Work, where they live, all of that.” On these outings, the matchmaker asks each client about their past, politics and religion – topics many of us might avoid mentioning on a first date out of politeness or for fear of incompatibility. “You know, anything that could be helpful for the search,” she says of the scrupulous fact-finding mission. Verbeeck is as chic as you’d expect for a high-flying matchmaker; well put-together with cascading blonde hair and a minimalist wardrobe that could easily be intimidating, were it not for her sense of humour and lack of judgemental glare. It’s easy to see why clients feel comfortable letting her into even the messiest corners of their lives.
Matches are found by the Ivy Relations recruitment team, who work remotely from different cities as well as out of their Antwerp-based HQ. They reach out to hundreds of eligible singles each day, roughly 20 per cent of whom respond to say they’re interested. Prospective dates then undergo a multi-step profiling process and the most compatible of them are kept on file. The clients’ demands range from the classic – height, sense of humour, positivity – to the extraordinary: “A young German tech entrepreneur really wanted a good-looking, tall, blonde girl with a degree in aerospace engineering,” Verbeeck says. Did she find said perfect woman? “Yes, absolutely.”
Verbeeck’s true gift, though, is knowing what will make her clients happy long before they do. The matchmaker had been working with a French entrepreneur for more than a year, and introduced him to 15 different women, but none of them were a match – despite the fact he’d enjoyed their company and they ticked every box on his list. So, Verbeeck went to meet a woman in Switzerland with whom the Frenchman also appeared compatible, listened to her speak, watched how she liked to spend her day, and suddenly realised what had been missing: “How she would go about certain things suggested a very, very small amount of autism,” Verbeeck says. The pair went on a date and three months later they were married. “It just clicked together,” she says.
Another French client was single after 20 years of marriage and was figuring out the type of man she actually wanted to be with. Verbeeck knew her client wouldn’t be attracted to her latest suggestion on the first introduction, and convinced her to give the man three chances before she rejected him entirely, as she sensed they had great potential. “We met six months later in Paris,” Verbeeck says. “She’d restyled him – introduced him into a new world and vice versa – but intrinsically they had the same values and views on life. They opened up a whole new universe together, got married a couple of years after, and are still very happy today. It was a great match.” Despite being responsible for numerous marriages, Verbeeck says she’s “very rarely” invited to her client’s weddings – mostly, she thinks, because there still “seems to be a taboo” about using such dating services.
As Materialists explores, it can be hard for matchmakers to manage the dismal – or sometimes even dangerous – side of dating, from getting ghosted to much darker behaviour such as sexual assault. “We communicate a lot about dating etiquette; what we feel is right and how people should behave,” says Verbeeck. “If we have the feeling that somebody isn’t up to par on that level, we will drop them. I think that’s really important.” If a match simply isn’t interested in their client, Verbeeck and her team can help break the news – or they’ll leave it to the person, depending on which they prefer. “We’ll help manage the situation,” she says. “But because of the detail of our homework and the preparation we do, just about every introduction is positive… I’ve had very few disaster scenarios,” she says of her 15-year career.
Verbeeck married young, at 21, and was divorced by 29 – with a two-year-old son in tow. She started her business after friends registered her for a dating service in London, only for the matchmaker to tell her she worked too much and had too much baggage for them to find her love. She is now dating someone. “I didn’t matchmake myself, it sort of just happened,” she laughs. “I’ve been through a lot in my romantic and personal life; quite a few ups and downs.” But she’s confident that her personal history doesn’t tarnish her credentials: “I think that makes me a better matchmaker,” Verbeeck says. “If I’d had the perfect relationship forever, it wouldn’t have given me the depth that I need to do my job today.”
Considering today’s dating landscape – Hinge likes for ego boosts, Tinder swipes for something (or someone) to do on a Friday night – those who can afford to hire Ivy Relations are blatantly lucky. The cynical view here could be that finding love has become a luxury afforded only by those who can stretch to the apps’ monthly subscription fees or employ the services of a professional. But Verbeeck has advice for those feeling jaded: “Apps create opportunity, but they are a nightmare,” she says. “Take off the headphones. Just say ‘hello’. You never know what’s going to happen. People have long checklists. They want soul connection. They want chemistry. But it’s possible. Let’s just say that. I see it all the time. So, nobody should give up hope, because it’s out there.”
‘Materialists’ is in UK cinemas now
#Materiaists #millionaire #matchmaker
