I’ve always been fascinated by families whose children seem to be on some kind of unusual streak, reaching the top of their career ladders, or, even more interesting to me, blazing trails or following their passions with spectacular results.
What did their parents do differently to empower them? What do researchers really know about what’s effective in giving kids the support they need to succeed? Given that siblings are often so different, what seemed to be helpful across the board?
For my book, “The Family Dynamic: A Journey Into the Mysteries of Sibling Success,” I interviewed dozens of parents of high-achieving children and interviewed well over 100 experts. As a mom of twin boys who are now teenagers, here’s what I found to be the most convincing.
excel in school, but if they don’t internalize a sense of possibility, their academic strengths might only take them so far.
I was amazed by the consistency of the outlook of the parents I interviewed, who encouraged their kids to think big, feel hope and stay positive.
Marilyn Holifield, one of three siblings from Tallahassee who became influential civil rights activists, told me that the unspoken motto in her household was, “All things possible.” And Amalia Murguia, who raised seven children in humble circumstances, several of whom became national figures (in philanthropy, civil rights and the federal courts), would also say, “With God’s help, all things are possible.”
fascinating study showed that parents often don’t know what to say when children say they don’t want to take math and science classes that can be crucial for academic success.
The researchers followed up by providing pamphlets and website links to help parents tailor their motivational approach to their own children. If their child wanted to be professional soccer players, for example, the parents might say, “Oh, when you’re a pro athlete, you need to be able to stay on top of your finances, which can be quite important at that pay scale.”
Telling kids to focus on something practical won’t inspire them. Instead, parents were to focus on what would make that learning seem valuable to their children, based on their interests. The SAT scores of kids whose parents used this approach (compared to parents randomly assigned to a control) ended up with ACT math and science scores that were 12% higher.
