You’ve probably worked hard to build positive relationships. But what if, despite your best intentions, your communication is coming off as judgmental?
As the author of “Managing Up,” an executive coach to top performers at the world’s biggest companies, and a professor of human behavior, I’ve seen how certain phrases — even ones that sound perfectly reasonable in your head — can chip away at trust.
People may hesitate to share ideas or information with you. You may stop getting invited to meetings or to social events. And before you know it, you’re being labeled as resistant or not a team player.
Here are five common phrases that can make you sound judgmental, even when you don’t mean to be, and what to say instead.
struggling to get buy-in on a decision, and you jump straight to, “Why don’t you just schedule one-on-ones?”
You think you’re helping, but what the other person hears is: “The answer is obvious, so why haven’t you figured it out?” They may need empathy before they’re ready to problem-solve.
What to say instead
Get curious before offering solutions. For example:
- “That sounds frustrating. What have you tried so far?”
Once you understand the situation better, you can then suggest ideas with phrases like:
- “One thing that’s worked for me…”
- “An option that comes to mind is…”
