Many of us already know the components of a healthy relationship — things like strong communication, total honesty, and unwavering commitment. But most people don’t actually know what these qualities look like in practice.
As a result, couples may find themselves in a miserable situation. Even worse, they don’t recognize it due to unhealthy habits like emotional numbing, suppression, or normalizing issues. When you’re stuck in familiarity and routine, it’s hard to stop and assess your feelings.
As a psychologist who studies couples, I often recommend a quick survey to couples. If you find yourself answering “no” to all the questions, there’s a chance you may be unhappy in your relationship, but not realize it.
way you fight matters more than what you’re fighting about. If it always feels like it’s you versus your partner, instead of the two of you versus the problem, it’s worth assessing why.
Research on conflict resolution shows that when both partners believe a disagreement is solvable, they’re more likely to find a way forward. But you can’t rely solely on optimism; you need a shared and clear-cut strategy. Otherwise, arguments can turn into emotional duels and over time lead to distance and resentment.
If your answer to this question is “no,” ask yourself: “What are we fighting for?” If the answer isn’t the relationship itself, sit down together to discuss and reestablish what it really means to be a team.
healthiest relationships give you room to breathe. To laugh loudly, ugly cry, make a mess, and be weird. Research notes that people who feel secure in expressing themselves in authentic, unrefined ways are more likely to engage in healthier relationship behaviors.
If you have to constantly remind yourself to suppress parts of your personality, you’ll slowly start to lose invaluable parts of your identity.
If you answered “no” here, you need to pause and reflect. You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t flinch when they’re met with your most real, honest self. Great partners see this as a special privilege. It shouldn’t feel like something that has to be “tolerated.”
