Becoming a grandparent for the first time is a rewarding and life-changing experience. But along with the bubbling excitement can come uncertainty – especially if it’s been a while since you held a newborn or changed a nappy.
The world of parenting has evolved, and so has the role of today’s grandparents. So, we got in touch with integrative psychotherapist Debbie Keenan, senior accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), to get some advice on how to navigate this changing dynamic.
So, whether you’re eager to dive in or feeling a bit overwhelmed, here are Keenan’s nine top tips, which will help you navigate your new role with confidence and care…
1. Be aware of your own feelings
“It’s completely normal to feel anxious,” says Keenan. “The anxiety is understandable as there is a shift in dynamics because your child is becoming a parent, and that’s fine, but just try to not to be too hard on yourself.
“Just take the time to process how you’re feeling. Remember that you’re not losing your child, but you are actually gaining another family member. It’s a new transition to navigate, and also an exciting time, but remember to be mindful of your own feelings.”
2. Avoid giving unsolicited advice
Becoming a parent for the first time is overwhelming, and a tsunami of advice and criticism just adds to the pressure.
“Don’t immediately go in with lots of advice and tell them what to do, because that really won’t be helpful,” advises Keenan. “Also, avoid criticising because criticism could cause a rupture in the family dynamics.
“You may have different parenting styles, but it’s important to respect whatever the parents are doing. If they get things wrong that is OK, they’ve got to learn these lessons themselves as parents.”
3. Regularly check-in
Regularly checking in goes a long way, and shows that you care.
“Give them a ring or send them a text to check-in in the mornings to offer that calm and constant reassurance,” suggests Keenan. “But, if the phone doesn’t answer, don’t panic. Just leave them a message saying ‘you know where I am if you need me, just checking in to make sure everything’s OK’, so that the parents know that you care.”
4. Make having fun a priority
“Remember that you’re not there to discipline as a grandparent,” says Keenan. “The grandparents are meant to be the ones coming in with love, wisdom and fun.”
5. Offer emotional support
Be a pillar of support by listening to your child’s worries and concerns.
“Grandparents should offer listening or encouragement from the sidelines,” says Keenan. “Just say, ‘you know where I am’, and offer that constant, consistent reassurance.”
6. Be a calm presence
Be the calm in the storm that is new parenting.
“The calmer the grandparents are in themselves, the less anxious they are, and that can help calm the parent’s nervous system down as well,” says Keenan. “Try to have a calm tone of voice and make sure your conversations are compassionate and non-judgemental.
“Just be a calm and steady presence from the sidelines.”
7. Offer practical support
Make your their lives easier by offering to help around the house. This should help ease some of their workload and stress.
“Look at body language. If you start noticing that the parents look absolutely shattered, consider offering to make dinner tonight or to hold or change the baby,” recommends Keenan. “Offering practical help and support will also help you be a more hands-on grandparent and help you build a nurturing bond with the baby.”
8. Set boundaries
“Be very clear from the offset about what you can and can’t do regarding childcare, because that could cause friction and conflict,” advises Keenan. “Be very clear and say I can only do two or three afternoons a week, for example.”
9. Maintain your own identity
Being a new grandparent can feel all-consuming at times, but try not to abandon all your hobbies and interests that you enjoy,
“It’s really important that grandparents still have their own lives, and that they maintain their own identity and social connections, and keep that balance in their life,” highlights Keenan.
#top #tips #firsttime #grandparents
